he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
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