another moral hangover. fuck.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
