Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
