I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
