there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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