Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
