Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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