Your face is a jimmy john
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Randomize
