id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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