areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
