Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Floor bacon is actually really good
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
