she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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