your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
