The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
