just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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