I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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