Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
