I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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