super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
