I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
