one two three fourrrrnication!
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
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