either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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