Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
