i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
