apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
