Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
then he tried to convert me to islam
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
