1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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