so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
we're so committed to being not committed
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
