Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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