Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
