i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
