did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
