woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
