I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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