It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
