Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
