1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
