She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I FOUND THE LEGS
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
