Just cropdusted the office
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
