our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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