There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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