do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Randomize
