before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Randomize
