so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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