I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
