At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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