my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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