I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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