You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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