end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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